Several months ago I prayed: “Something about our lives and our home feels broken; we need a change.” I haven’t posted for the last month because, in that time, my husband got a job in St. Louis that we could not at first make public; and we have been busy moving. Now that we are here (as of one week), I finally have some room to exhale, rejoice, and explain how this move answered my prayer.
When I prayed my prayer a few months ago, our lives looked pretty perfect. Buc had a good job; we had a nice house, a good church family, and a beautiful baby; and I got to stay home with that baby. But there was definitely a problem: Our family of three wasn’t “gelling” like I knew we should. We weren’t bonding and creating traditions and just “being a family” like I knew God intended.
Details like Buc’s early commute, Sam’s erratic sleep patterns, and Buc’s arrival home around Sam’s bedtime made Daddy-and-Baby time nearly impossible on weekdays. These facts also made it hard for us to eat meals together or have family outings. And for those months when Sam was waking through the night, and waking at 4 and 5 and 6 a.m. for the day, I was plumb exhausted. I had nothing left to give.
As I looked around our home, saw our neglected dogs, overgrown flowerbeds, unused backyard, and the garden Buc had failed to plant, I realized Buc had little left to give either. We were just “getting by.” We didn’t have energy to really enjoy life, and enjoy our baby, together.
You might say there was nothing deeply wrong with our setup; they were just logistical things keeping us from family time. But I would be careful about saying that. A lot of wise people have observed that it’s the little things in life—the daily patterns and routines—that make up the whole life. If we’re not careful about those little patterns that are just a degree or two off target, we will soon find ourselves far from where we originally intended to be.
Originally, we decided to have a baby because we wanted to grow our family; we wanted to create new traditions and spend time together and just be a unit. So the fact that I was doing most of this baby stage by myself, without my husband, was sort of devastating. I found myself growing resentful of my baby and even my husband, and I didn’t want to resent them. So, in addition to complaining at home a whole lot (sorry honey), I prayed.
As I prayed about our brokenness at home, Buc felt things breaking work. Situations pushed him to seek employment with another company. And he started praying too. He set forth a number of conditions that God would have to answer in order for him to move his family over 600 miles from home. Guess what? God answered every single one.
So while our church and Texas family members scratched their heads over why we were leaving such a nice life, I sighed with relief. No more breakfasts alone. No more days of waiting until 6 p.m. to talk to my husband. Perhaps some lunches together (we now live within ten minutes of Buc’s work). Perhaps some suppers out with the baby. No more yard upkeep, at least while we remain in the townhome we’ve rented. No more dogs to take care of, for now (two kind families at our Texas church adopted Bill and Ted). A much needed break from church positions that were gobbling up precious weeknights. Just…a much needed retreat from a life that had grown too busy and clumsy to facilitate a new family learning to “be a family.”
No, I’m not happy to have left all the wonderful family, church members, and friends I’ve gained in Texas over ten years, but I know this is God’s plan for us, for now. And for that, I give thanks. For me, the New Year ushers in an exciting period of growth and change, and hopefully a well maintained blog so I can document what God is doing in our little family of three, and stay connected with my friends and extended family. Happy New Year, dear readers!
Happy New Year, Lindsey! What a huge change — moving to another state. It sounds like both of you welcomed the change and saw how it could improve things for you. This is wonderful! I wish you all the best, and I hope that you will have more time together as a family. Take pictures! LOL
Thanks so much, Cinda! Family time is already improving! And I will try to do better about posting pics. Hope you have a wonderful New Year, as well!
I’m very excited for your little family! Few people have the courage to make such a change when on paper everything looks just fine.
Thanks so much! We certainly could have stayed in Texas…lots going for us there. But we felt it time to move on, at least for awhile. Not to say we won’t be back, but I know God will use this time to grow us spiritually, and as a family.
Wow!! Reading this was a like a message from God to my overwhelmed soul!
I have all things messed up right now – I’m due for delivery for my second child in May 2015, both me and my husband were working together, but now hes moved to another organization and timings have changed, the house we live in doesn’t have 24 hr water supply, so we are taking help from my parents for cooking laundry etc, my mom who takes care of my daughter had a heart-attack two months back, im relying on maids to take care of my daughter which has been very uncertain and unpleasant in many ways, and bitterly I have a rough relationship with my in laws who are aged!
And unfortunately, I haven’t been able to pray like i should, I’ve been grumbling, talking about problems and dwelling upon my helpless state! This has created deep wounds for me and my husband and everything looks so unpleasant right now….
I wish I could pray too… Only prayer will help me for sure!!
Vinodhini, first of all, congrats on the new baby! I didn’t know! But I am truly sorry to read about all the troubles you are facing. All of that must be so overwhelming right now, so I will send up extra prayers.
Don’t think by any means that my prayer life is always rosy or perfect:/ I have days that feel like utter failures, and I have to ask God to change my attitude A LOT. I am not naturally optimistic; I pray hard to battle my pessimistic tendencies. I’m just so glad his mercies are new every morning. Our pasts don’t get to define our futures. So take heart. Any little words you can mumble to God count as prayers. Don’t give up!
Some Bible verses that came to mind as I read your comment: Psalms 119:67, 71: “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word….It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees.” I know that in time you will look back on this stage of life and see how God wanted to grow you and teach you (not to say that the trouble comes from him; but he can use the enemy’s attacks to grow us and to ultimately give him glory). It’s hard to hear in the midst of trouble, but try to keep your eyes on the big picture, and know that God will make everything right one day. Hugs…
Thank you Lindsey….
I am trying to send a few words here and there.. But quite overwhelmed.. Hoping God will turn all of the ashes for his glory in his time.
I will keep praying, trusting that God will work all things to his glory.